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The Mystery EP

by Jo Rodriguez

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1.
If I was a bird I'd fly to somewhere people could not hurt me anymore I'd stick around for a month or two and then be on my way Cause sometimes people can be too much they suck the life right out of me And if I was a bird then I'd be free If I was a bird then I'd be free If I was just a piece of gum melting on a sidewalk I'd stick to people here and there and maybe they'd forget to wipe me off I'd gather dust and dirt I'd slowly rot away And then one day I'd just fall off and die One day I would just fall off and die If I was a bullet in a shell I think I'd probably hate myself Cause I'd know my only job is to destroy I'd try to scream and shout to keep me in the chamber But when the gun goes off the only way is out cause when a bomb goes off behind you the only way is out If I was just a human being Living on this earth I'd probably think what people think of me would determine what I'm worth I think I'd rather be a tiny speck of dirt Cause dirt gets walked on all day long and never seems to get it's feelings hurt Oh what I'd give to never get my feelings hurt Maybe I should just give up and be a bird Maybe I should just give up and be a bird
2.
Chemo 02:19
You refused to go to the doctor when you started getting sick And dad, you know just how much I love you but sometimes you can be such a dick whoa Cause magnets and herbal tea don't cure cancer I think we all are clear If you refuse chemotherapy you won't make it through the year I remember sleeping on your couch each weekend you'd wake up early and cook me breakfast I always thought I'd make it back to see you again But the last time we spoke I could barely understand you at all I couldn't stop crying I was stuck at work when mom told me to call Cause magnets and herbal tea don't cure cancer I think we all are clear If you refuse chemotherapy you won't make it through the year Cause magnets and herbal tea don't cure cancer the doctors have been clear If you refuse chemotherapy you won't make it through the year Dad you taught me to play stairway to heaven and you gave me this guitar I really fucking wish you could see me now cause you'd see I've come so far I don't really know if I believe in heaven but I hope you're not in pain And I don't really know if I believe in heaven but I hate that you left this way And I don't really know if I believe in heaven but I hope you're not afraid And I don't really know if I believe in heaven but I hate that you left this way
3.
The tears don't dry while you're drowning they only get harder to see How can you live to the fullest when you're never where you're meant to be One foot in the grave and you're sinking deeper and deeper each day Three little words on the tip of your tongue but they're harder than ever to say And I'll never forget what you did for me when I was a lost little boy Hiding away from everything All the love the pain and the joy All those years Locked away Running from something I never could fight anyway And it hurts just to face your reflection in the shattered glass of your tears run and you hide but you can't seem to find a day of relief from your fears But it's never too late to wake up and notice that you had it good I've never been too superstitious but you've got me knocking on wood And I'll never forget what you did for me when I was a lost little girl Hiding away from everything all the love the pain and the world All those years Locked away Running from something I never could fight anyway Well I'm opening up my eyes now and I'm blinded by what I see Not sure who I am at the moment but I'm becoming much safer to be One foot in the grave and I'm sinking Deeper and deeper each day Three little words on the tip of my tongue but they're harder than hell to say But I'll never forget what you did for me When I was a lost little girl Hiding away from everything All the love the pain and the world All those years Locked away Running from something I never could fight anyway
4.
Grow 04:00
The pain may fade but the scars will stay They'll never go away And as this gets further in your past You'll hear yourself begin to say I'll rise above the pain I've felt I'll rise above it all Cause autumns come and autumns will go It never really hurts to know That there's always another season Waiting after the fall And as the springs and the summers come You'll feel yourself begin to grow So far along you almost gave up hope The bridges burned down years ago The cycle breaks another day begins The victim is your innocence but You'll rise above the pain you've felt Yeah you'll rise above it all Cause autumns come and autumns will go It never really hurts to know That there's always another sesason Waiting after the fall And as the springs and the summers come You'll feel yourself begin to grow You'll lay down roots in a new town You'll spread them deep into the ground And when your limbs reach toward the sun You'll finally love what you've become And when you can finally touch the sky Then maybe you won't want to die Because you'll rise above the pain you've felt Yeah you'll rise above it all Cause autumns come and autumns will go It never really hurts to know That there's always another season Waiting after the fall And as the springs and the summers come You'll feel yourself begin to grow Yeah as the springs and the summers come You'll feel yourself begin to grow
5.
Punchline 02:57
It's getting pretty late I should Probably go to bed But I can't sleep and I can't dream I Can't stop thinking bout the things I said And how even if I got just what I want I'd probably fuck it up And I've been thinking a lot lately about Who I wanna be The person that I am and the Person that I want the world to see The person in the mirror is me She's who I need to know So let's go find out Who we really are We'll run away so far and we're Never looking back Let's go see if Failure is an art It's tearing me apart but man I Really need to be alone right now The worst things in life Are usually free They creep up from the back of you mind and they Scream and scream and scream That you don't deserve to be free and they'll never go away And sometimes I'm inclined to Believe that they are right Cause I've been hearing screaming Since I was at least five And now I'm twenty four and I wish They'd just leave me alone But when I find out Who I really am I'm hoping that I can and it Doesn't take too long I can prove that Failure is an art I don't know where to start but please just Don't leave me all alone right now Cause I need affection And I need attention And I need direction And I need to question The voices that tell me to be Bitter and angry I'd say they don't know me But they really do They'll never stop trying And I'll never stop fighting But I think I'm dying I'm already dead And at this point it's all just one big fucking joke And I wish I could tell you The punchline but this is the truth instead
6.
Sometimes I don't think that I'm Good enough for anybody But I don't have to listen to myself give me that shit Cause I'm a fucking joy to be around And when that voice tells me get down I just have to stand up strong And shout that fucker down I am smart, I am pretty I am talented, I'm tough I am quick, I am witty And I'm really good enough I work hard, I am loyal and I've got a lot of love I am smart, I am pretty and I'm Really good enough When people say they like my music Sometimes I can't believe it But if I think objectively Why would my friends and family All lie to me Unless they see That I need validation To not be so depressed But then I realize that's stupid Sure not everyone likes my music But the ones who do, they really mean it Because maybe they're just like me And maybe they can see a piece of them Reflected back in me so If you're scared to be A failure just like me Then stand up tall and raise your voice and Sing I am smart, I am pretty I am talented, I'm tough I am quick, I am witty And I'm really good enough I work hard, I am loyal and I've got a lot of love I am smart, I am pretty And I'm fucking good enough

about

The Mystery EP is a collection of six songs about self love, mental illness, cancer, and queer identity.

credits

released August 6, 2019

Written and performed by Johanna Rodriguez, recorded, mixed, and mastered by Sine Baillis, album art by Alex Akin

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Jo Rodriguez Colorado

Colorado's prodigal butch trans girl
singer songwriter
she/her

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